Christmas Cooking
by Saya the Ninja Cat
Summary: Leo's left in charge this year, and things go from bad to worse! Raph dirty-dancing, a radio-kebab, killer Santa-zombies with chainsaws! Rating is for... I don't know. Just to be on the safe side or something.


Christmas Baking

Twas a week before Christmas, and all through the lair, 5 creatures were stirring, and getting in Leo's hair (figuratively speaking, of course).

"Raph, get OFF the table! Don, where'd you put the recipe? Does anyone have any idea where Mikey went?" Leo ran his hands over his head, gently massaging his aching temples. He swore he'd have an aneurism before he turned eighteen.

Master Splinter had asked _him_ to be in charge of baking this year. Him! His brothers would argue that he didn't know the first thing about cooking. Which was pretty true. Generally, Leo avoided the kitchen altogether. He was a ninja. He was NOT a chef. That was more Mikey's forte.

So here he stood, trying to get things organized, and seemingly the only one who cared if they ever actually got anything done. It had all gone wrong when Mikey decided that they needed baking music. So he had turned on that radio full blast and tried to convince Raph to dance with him. After a few songs, though, Raph had leapt onto the table and starting grinding. Leo yelled at Mikey, to tell him not to look, when he found that Mikey had disappeared completely from the room. He looked to Don for help, but Don was still upset at Leo for not letting him make his 'Christmas cookies' and insisting they bake a mince pie instead. Don would just give him a look that said, "You're on your own, Fearless. Ha, that's what you get. Should have listened to me earlier."

Leo gave up trying to be heard over the roaring music, which was surprisingly dirty. What channel was this? It was playing something that had to do with Animal Planet? He didn't even want to know. So he threw a katana at it.

Immediately, the room was plunged into silence. Raph glared at Leo, jumping off the table and panting heavily. Where on Earth did Raph learn to dance like that anyway? Should he be worried about what Raph did when he left the lair?

"The shell did ya do that for, Leo? It was just gettin' to the good part!" Leo didn't know if he should be more disturbed over Raphael's obscene dancing on the place where they ate, or the fact that Raph seemed to know this song by heart.

"We are _supposed_ to be baking. Master Splinter's orders. _Not_ dancing on the dining table like some slutty maniac you'd meet at a bar!" Leo spat.

"Don't act like you didn't like it," Raph smirked as he swaggered suggestively past Leo, earning a snort from Don in the kitchen.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. Now _where's _Mikey?" Both of his brothers gave an honest shrug. "Ugh, you're no help. I'm going to go find him, and when I come back, I expect two turtles ready to bake. Understood?" They looked at each other for a second before saluting. Leo groaned and set off toward Mikey's bedroom. This was _impossible_.

"Aaaaah!" came a resounding girlish scream from Leo's bedroom. _His_ bedroom? What the shell was Mikey doing in there? His walking turned into an all-out sprint. He slammed open the door.

"Mikey!" Mikey was lying on his back on Leo's once perfectly made bed, button mashing on his PSP. "What are you doing in my room? You're supposed to be helping!"

"N-not now, Leo!" Mikey managed to say, while shifting in Leo's bed as if that would help his chances. Leo narrowed his eyes.

"Michelangelo!" He grabbed Mike's arm, or was about to when his younger brother emitted another horror movie-esk scream. "What? I'm not going to hurt you!" Leo was taken aback at the outburst. Mikey rolled onto his stomach, shoving his face into Leo's mattress.

"Dude, a Santa zombie with a chainsaw just came outta nowhere and ripped me to shreds. We can go now," sighed a dejected Mikey before switching off his PSP and following his brother into utter chaos.

"What… the… shell?" Leo was shocked. The kitchen was a mess, as if his brother's had tried to cook an entire feast in his absence. What was worse, the music was somehow playing again, even louder than before. How had he not heard that from his room? Don had apparently done something to the radio to get it working again, and was now cheering as Raph continued his smutty dancing even more extreme than earlier, slipping the occasional bill into his belt. By the look Don and Raph gave him when they noticed his presence, it was all to spite him.

"Dude, party!" Mikey shouted from behind Leo, shaking him out of his trance. He opened his mouth to start a lecture when Mikey shoved past him and began grinding against Raph. It was at this moment that Master Splinter decided to walk in from who-knows-where.

"My sons!" Everyone looked like a deer caught in headlights as Raph and Mikey got off the furniture and Don switched off the pathetic-looking radio. Leo hung his head in shame. Things were _not_ supposed to end up this way. He had failed his master.

"I'm sorry, Sensei, I-" Splinter held up a bony hand.

"Why was I not invited?"

END

* * *

That's all. Poor Leo. It had to end. It was dragging on too long. I don't know what I'm doing. Am I supposed to make a disclaimer? Cause I think it's pretty obvious that I don't own jack.


End file.
